i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
