Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
time to smoke my breakfast
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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