Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
