Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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