Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
