Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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