If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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