Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i came on her dog
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
