but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
