I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
