your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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