it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
