Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
