Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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