you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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