you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The struggles of a small town man whore
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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