I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are my feet made of real feet?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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