we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
