First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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