good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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