she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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