when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
