When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
