Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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