I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
