Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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