I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
