But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
