Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
