SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
