He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
