At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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