i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
