Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
