My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
