How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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