As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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