Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
