Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
