he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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