His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
