Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
People in love make me want to vomit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
