I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
