Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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