so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
