McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
