Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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