who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
