Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
