I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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