we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
