We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
