I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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