I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
