Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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