if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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