her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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