YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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