im holly from the hills drunk
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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