just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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