I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
