Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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