There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
