Kiss
Puke
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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