tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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