I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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