I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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