If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
