She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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