i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
