I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
